“There are worse moms out there.” -Sharon Seacrest’s Teenage Son
I’m writing a book “The Life of a Private School Mom.” For the past few weeks, I’ve been watching every online infomercial on how to attract visitors. In the 1950s and 1960s, Stay At Home Moms (SAHM) sold Tupperware to attract jealous neighbors to view the jello mold. Today, the saavy SAHM are selling online programs to attract visitors to view The Twitter, Instagram, and this blog page.
“I’m not sure how she found time to write a book. She really enjoys naps.” – N. Seacrest – Sharon’s Mother-In-Law
“You need to be an expert in your niche”, these social media experts claim.
My response is, “I’m raising kids, they’re not 18 yet and they are not in jail! How much more proof do you need?”
“I won’t say she’s the best mom, but I’m still alive” -Sharon Seacrest’s Teenage Daughter
Testimonials, they declare, Testimonials will prove you know your market. I tried to get testimonials about the book, but some people wrote it about me. Nice things are only said about Moms on Mother’s Day. Today’s not Mother’s Day. What did I expect? I am seriously trying not to take any of this personally.
More Testimonials
“I support my wife 100%. She tells me the book is going to be amazing, even though I will never read it because I don’t want to get involved.”
–Sharon Seacrest’s Husband
“The print is a little small. Your generation will enjoy this book.”
Adolph K. -Sharon’s 90 year old uncle
“I don’t have an opinion on that”
Alexa – Amazon Echo
“You are so funny, of course I’ll buy your book. Thanks for the five stars.”
Ramaja – Uber Driver
“I’m sorry Ma’am. Do you want to mail a book or are you asking me to buy a book?”
Wanda – USPS Cashier
“This book is so funny! We are buying two copies when it comes out!”
Sam and Traci – Sharon’s son’s best friend’s mom and dad, after she hosted their son for a week straight during Spring Break.
“This is not Sharon writing this review, this is someone else. I love this book. It’s the funniest book I’ve ever read. The writing is brilliant.”
Sharron Snowcrest
“No, I won’t buy your book. If you give me a free copy, I’ll read it and tell you if it’s good or not. You do not have permission to post my review online.”
Matt R. – Owner of a local book store
“I’m not sure why you’re asking me for a testimonial, we haven’t spoken in years.”
Katherine M. – Sharon’s college friend
“This book is hysterical! I could not stop laughing! I am going to buy 100 copies and give them to everyone I know! This is an honest review and not fake.
Shaaron Seekcrest
“I met her once at a private school fundraiser and gave her my number. She never texted me back. I know a lot of people that have published books. It’s not that hard.”
Betty R. – private school mom
“OMG! LOL! Best book I have ever read! Give that lady an award, not a fake award, like this review.”
Sheron Sheetcrest
“Sharon, call me. It’s your mother!”
Clara M. – Sharon’s mother
“You must buy this book. She already cashed her advance check.”
Sharon’s future book publisher
Today is still not Mother’s Day. If you have an opinion about me (the book is still being written), please keep it to yourself, thank you very much. Get out of here and go read my latest blog post.